Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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