I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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