i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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