Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
