I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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