i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
