Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
