I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
