Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
