R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
