Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
