And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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