I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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