I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
