Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
