Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
