I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
