I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
