just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
