Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
