End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
