So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
