I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
