Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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