Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
