Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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