his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
