A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
