Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
