Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
