I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And then my night got REAL pukey
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
