i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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