How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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