I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
