maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
