Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
did i walk over a car last night?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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