OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
