Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
