I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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