If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This baby is an asshole
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
