OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
