Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So many bounce houses so little time
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
