so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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