i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
