and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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