Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
