He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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