walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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