I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
