Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
