your thong is hanging out like whoa
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
