He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
