he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
