Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
