ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
