May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
