I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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