dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
