he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
