I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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