Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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