When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
