Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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