I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
