So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
