I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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