I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
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