if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
