I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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