Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
