shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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