You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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