I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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