1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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