oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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