Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
