my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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