Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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