Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
