I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
