take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
