New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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