god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
