she takes plan B like it's going out of style
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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